Today I walked into work to find this beautiful bouquet on my desk.
A student had brought them from her garden at home. I almost started crying.
My father grew Stargazer Lilies. They didn’t outlive him by much. My mother has many talents, but gardening isn’t exactly one of them. But honestly, even if someone in our household had been a fantastic gardener, I doubt anyone would have had the will to coax those plants along. The lilies were doomed.
In August it will be the 20th anniversary of my father’s death. Since 2015 started I have been so sad. Not depressed, just sad. I don’t know if I could even explain why I’m sad. My grief has long since passed. I do not live in fear that my father would be disappointed in me. I am truly grateful for the events that have shaped me; that have given me a chance for empathy and understanding. Yet, I feel dampened, my heart simply less full than I sense it should be.
And there this morning were these flowers. Maybe a reminder that I don’t need to be sad.
(3 Years, 7 Months, 22 Days Sober)