I had an amazing, frustrating, wonderful, crazy, impossible, terrifying, and blessed day today.

Today is the 2nd anniversary of my sobriety.

2 years ago I was shaking so hard my teeth almost fell out.  I was dead inside.  I was lost, and afraid, and barely able to put one foot in front of the other.  I had to make a choice to live.

Today I took class pictures, and worked on map skills, and read saint stories, and totally skipped reading because I was too tired for it.  I managed to get completely pissed off at a co-worker who picked the wrong day to be a passive aggressive nightmare, I was seen by my Assistant Headmaster crying my little heart out in Adoration, and end the night almost choking laughing at an impromptu dinner with the new teachers.

I’m too tired now to tell you how thankful I am, how awestruck I am by the love and support I’ve received, and how I cannot even fathom how different my life has become in such a short time.  I’m too tired to contemplate how different I’ve become.  I’m too tired to tell you how scared I am of whatever is going to come next, how worried I am that I’m going to fuck it up, or how I have the niggling suspicion that I’ve become too comfortable in my existence.

This day was too much for me to have that many thoughts, let alone express them in any sort of order.

But two years ago was the worst and best day of my life.  And every day since has been a gift.

(2 Years Sober)