It’s Mother’s Day!

I live on the other side of the country from my mom, so I can’t give her a hug or take her out to lunch.  And I totally thought Mother’s Day would be next weekend, so I didn’t get a card or a present in the mail to her.

But none of that means I love her any less.  My mom is a tough lady.  She’s opinionated, stubborn, and has very high standards.  She was tough on me growing up.  Not as tough as I thought she was at the time, and maybe not as tough as I deserved.  I appreciate more and more every day that she was tough on me, that I couldn’t rest on my laurels, that I wasn’t allowed to get away with shit, that mistakes were forgiven but were not be repeated.  It wasn’t always easy, for her or for me, but it made me resourceful, capable, determined, and brave.

I hope I never have to know the depth of suffering my mother endured while I was drinking.   I could see in her behavior when I visited, even through the booze, that she was terribly worried.  I can’t imagine how worried she must have been, since I lived far away and was heading full steam ahead into danger.  I know she prayed for me, made her self available for me to talk, and went out of her way to come visit me.  When I told her that I had started AA there was an audible sigh of relief on her end of the phone.

So, I forgot to get me mom flowers or cookies or a new scarf.  I’m 3,000 miles away, so coffee on the back porch will have to be via a phone call.  But today I won’t drink.  Every day I don’t drink is a day my mother has to worry about me less.  

It’s the most important gift I can give her.

(1 Year, 7 Months, 22 Days Sober)